Coffee Letter #019: Ghosts of Valentines Past
A stroll down memory lane.
I celebrated Valentine’s Day only once in my youth. I had a boyfriend I did not care about — we only got together because our friends knew he liked me and I felt pressured by the group more or less to give him a chance. I was being nice. People pleaser, what can I do.
It was a horrible Valentine’s Day. We went on a date at the zoo and we held hands. We were 12 or 13. I got him a frog plushie that I thought would remind him of me — I was into frogs (still am). He got me a horrible trinket with two doves on a branch, which in hindsight was somewhat romantic, but it wasn’t me at all (a couple of weeks later I gifted that trinket to mum on Women’s Day).
Needless to say that relationship didn’t last and it lead me to decide that I will never date anyone I’m going to school with. Proud to say I stood by my resolution — which made for complicated but fun teenagehood. There were flings and I kissed around but at the end of the day I was ending it with “sorry, but I don’t date anyone I go to school with”. I was heartless. I loved it.
When I was in what now would be considered a situationship — back in my days it was just complicated — and dealing with coming to terms with my sexuality and other teen dramas, I did get flowers on Valentine’s Day. I do love flowers no matter the day or the occasion, so those always made me quite happy — even now I remember she gave me a small red vase with the most beautiful beige tiny roses that I kept for months and were even more beautiful dried up.
When I was seeing a much older guy he surprised me with a necklace on Valentine’s Day because he thought “she’s young, she clearly wants us to celebrate Valentine’s Day” — I did not care. At least his gift was way more me. Even so, that was the last Valentine’s Day I “celebrated”. I’m not like other girls (I’m kidding). I’m just not that into Valentine’s Day.
I'm not on the side that hates Valentine's Day either. Just because there's a holiday celebrating love doesn't mean you love less the other 364 days. I personally find that argument lazy. Plus it’s really cute to see people on the street with flowers. It shows that in spite of all the shitty things going on, we still believe in love.
~ read
This week I focused a bit on some books I got for review so I read a few kiddie picture books, a quite mediocre coming-of-age graphic novel (it had a lot of potential, but it needed a lot more polish, especially the art style), and an amazing cocktail book — Friday Night Cocktails: 52 Drinks to Welcome Your Weekend by A.J. Dean. It features mostly classic cocktails (oldies, but goldies) with some variations, with really classy photography and tidbits of cocktail history!
I also read two fiction books:
The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak. A book about… many things. A teenager learning about her roots, a forbidden love story between a Greek Cypriot and a Turkish Cypriot, and the story of a fig.
Unfortunately I got into this book only in the last 30-40% of it, which naturally affects how I feel about the book overall. I couldn’t connect with the characters — weirdly enough I only cared for the fig.
It’s a nicely written book and there were some really beautiful paragraphs about grief. Maybe the author tried to do too much in one book and because of that nothing gets the attention it fully deserves. Or it just wasn’t the book for me, but I am sure other people will enjoy it.
The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. This is a reread, one I wouldn’t have done on my own but it’s for our book club. It’s a slow book about a butler who embarks on a trip to see his country, reflecting on the past and his years of service.
The entire story is spent in our butler’s memories. It’s an unreliable narrator using un unreliable medium and that’s what fascinated me about this novel the first time I read it. You can tell a lot from what isn’t said, you need to read between the lines and be observant — personally I find that very engaging. That being said, it’s really really slow and I can see how it might not be everyone’s cup of tea. But I enjoyed it.
Currently I’m reading way too many books at the same time and the urge to start more is there. I’m spiralling.
~ watch
Gone Girl (2014), d. David Fincher. My favourite rom-com out there and the film I always watch on Valentine’s Day — at first it was a coincidence, but once I became aware of it it became tradition. Gone Girl is about a husband who becomes the prime suspect of the investigation in the disappearance of his wife. It’s twisted, it’s thrilling, it’s so much fun.
Personally I adore unhinged characters and the acting in Gone Girl — especially Rosamund Pike — is exquisite (plus that cool girl monologue lives rent free in my head). I remember reading the book after I first saw the film and I suspect I read it too close to the film which affected my enjoyment of it. Maybe I’ll reread it this summer.
Severance (2022-, TV series). I rewatched the first season of Severance in anticipation of the second one. Severance is mysterious and important work. And a brilliant commentary on our corporate lives. The show follows a team of severed workers — their brain is split into their work persona and personal persona, thus facilitating the work-life balance we all dream of.
I love the minimalism of it, the colours, the moodiness. It’s brilliant, it’s unsettling, it’s gripping — you cannot stop watching it, which makes waiting for the new episodes of the second season week by week unbearable!
Currently I’m waiting for the next episodes from Severance andThe Pitt. I’m also watching Sweet Magnolias and Supernatural. And the new White Lotus season should be out today, right?
~ and other things I did last week
Music: While I may not be big on Valentine’s Day, I am big on themes so having an excuse for hearts and pink everything is just up my alley. This week at work for example we had a theme for our daily hour of music — we called it Romantique Week.
So here are some of my favourite more or less romantic albums that we listened to this week:
Everything I Know About Love and Bewitched by Laufey. Both albums feature romantic themes and that hopelessly romantic vibe. Plus Laufey’s voice is out of this world.
The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We by Mitski. Okay, okay, this is more about heartbreak and loneliness, but those are romantic in a sense too.
Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge by The Pierces. Because you can’t spell love without revenge.
Plus we listened to many compositions by Tchaikovsky. And we also loved Alizée’s Moi… Lolita and Damiano David’s cover of Nothing Breaks Like A Heart.
Food: I ordered myself the cute pink mini-cake from Acadeea — see, another reason why Valentine’s Day is fun. It was a decadent chocolate cake covered in pink buttercream. Delicious.
Other things consumed last week:
Why we're so OBSESSED with what other people read (According to Alina - YouTube). Alina discusses the usual hot topics on the bookish world: overconsumption, reading as esthetics, and that one lady’s opinion on reading fiction and what we learn from it (nothing in her opinion *rolls eyes*).
Men aren’t writing novels anymore. So what? (Roisin's Reading - YouTube). Roisin explores how accurate are the claims that men aren’t writing or publishing anymore.
Read Your Way Through New York City (The New York Times). Ten writers share their favourite readings featuring The City.
The big idea: What’s the real key to a fulfilling life? (The Guardian). On what makes life worth living and happiness. Personally, I love Mary Oliver’s instructions for life:"
25 Years Ago, Joan Didion Kept a Diary. It’s About to Become Public (The New York Times). I love reading other people’s journals — currently still reading Katherine Mansfield’s; even so I can’t help but wonder how ethical it is to read something someone wrote without the intention to publish?
How to Stop Ruminating (The New York Times). I’m a worrier.
A Martini Tour of New York City (The New Yorker). If it wasn’t obvious by now I have a soft spot for NY (and for martinis too). The dream is to visit it soon (husband, hint, hint).
To get back to the main theme of this letter, these days I am celebrating Valentine’s Day for a completely other reason: taste buds! The restaurants I like offer carte blanche dinners. I started celebrating Valentine’s Day when Baracca had their first V-Day carte blanche event — gosh, I will really miss that restaurant for years to come. I’m a foodie and I get super super excited when food is creative and playful and, of course, delicious! Valentine’s Day is just the means, not the goal.
This year we dined at Cimbru Author. The dinner was a lot of fun, especially because we also tasted their new cocktails and because we went on a double date with some dear friends. There was joy, there was laughter, there were surprises — including ending the night with a pink balloon. Honestly, I can’t wait for next year!
Oh, and I always get my work wife something for Valentine’s Day!
Thank you for reading!