Coffee Letter #015: Lucky

Thoughts on being lucky and how I almost missed my neuro appointment.

Whenever I created my own self in the Sims games, the trait I always chose unconditionally was luck. Throughout my life, sometimes I’ve been ambitious or adventurous, other times I’ve been shy (or very shy, but that was my social anxiety), changing from year to year, but what I’ve always been was lucky. It’s a bit of a paradox that the most certain thing I know about myself is that I am lucky, even though deep down I know it’s just a concept, a belief, might not even be a thing.

For instance, this week I was convinced (and that’s how it was marked in my calendar) that my neurologist appointment was at 17:30. The day of the appointment I was getting ready to leave work at 16:45 when a coworker who usually drives me home asked me if I want a ride. I told her I’m not actually going home but to the clinic and she was nice enough to change her route and take me there.

During the quick exchange with my colleague I wanted to refuse her a bunch of times because 1) I don’t like to inconvenience people and 2) I was thinking of getting more steps in since I had a 10 min walk to the bus station. Guess I was lucky I let my laziness get the best of me because my appointment was actually at 17:00 sharp! I made it to the clinic with 4 minutes to spare and I made my appointment.

However I still worry — duh, of course I do, I’m me. But whenever I’m in trouble, deep down I still know (believe?) I’ll get out of it because I’m bloody lucky. So far I haven’t been proven wrong, but of course I’m not trying to tempt fate.

I’m a pretty rational being (or so I’d like to think) so of course I know that this could be a whole thing in my head and that people create their own luck through the way they tend to see the world. Someone with a more optimistic mindset will notice the opportunities they get more, focus on the good things (the glass is half full), and through their positive attitude might turn a bad situation into a fortunate one — or maybe they are so resilient that eventually the bad luck turns good so naturally things always end well for them because things only end when they turn good, no?

I really don’t know, I’m just glad that, in spite of my anxious brain, I have this mindset or belief. The luck I’m talking about is no good for the lottery or poker, and it’s not gratitude either — it’s not the “how lucky I am to have met you” kind. No matter how silly it may be, be it real luck or just a coincidence or confirmation bias, I hope I never run out of it.

~ read

I think I might have hit my limit of reading too many books at a time; meanwhile my TBR gets longer and longer. If only I could quit my corporate job and just read.

This part will be pretty much the same as last week, except I did finish two of the books I told you about:

Violeta by Isabel Allende. This is pretty much just Violeta telling her story (one hundred years of Violeta) in a long letter to someone special in her life. I liked it, although it’s not as good as The House of the Spirits, which I adored so much that it made my Top Ten Books of 2024.

Violeta is not as impactful or as fun, it’s just a woman’s story with the good and the bad and the beautiful moments in one’s life, while a country’s history is unfolding in the background, with characters popping in and out. I felt like the story was more focused in the beginning of the novel and those characters felt more real too, while being more detached when Violeta was older, getting only glimpses of the characters and the events — which in a way makes sense.

Brooklyn by Colm Tóibín. There were parts of this novel I absolutely loved (like the homesickness episode) and there were some emotionally charged moments that took my breath away, but overall it left me with a bittersweet taste at the end. I still felt at the end of the book that our main character was one-dimensional or maybe too passive or simply a coward? I couldn’t connect with Eilis and I kept waiting for her to come alive.

The novel follows Eilis as she comes to America and starts her life (I wanted to say a new life but she didn’t have much of a life before Brooklyn either). There is a sequel set 20 years after, Long Island, though honestly, I need a break from Eilis, despite being curious to see if her character has changed. I will rewatch the film soon too (I remember enjoying it a bit more).

~ watch

Bird (2024), d. Andrea Arnold. I watched Bird on Friday and I love it. More than a decade ago I watched Arnold’s Fish Tank and it left a mark on me (I plan to rewatch it soon). I was surprised by how similar yet different the two films are and how some of the themes are clearly recurrent themes in Arnold’s life (upon watching Bird I went into a bit of deep dive into the director and her life).

Bird follows a preteen living with her single dad and her step-brother in North Kent. It’s a tender coming-of-age film and these films that really capture adolescence (especially girlhood) are my jam! And there’s a hint of magical realism too. I left the cinema wishing there was a TV series about this family and that I could spend more time with them and with Bird.

Also the music was *chef's kiss*.

Dune: Prophecy (TV series, 2024-). I finally watched Dune: Prophecy, set 10000 or so years before the birth of Paul Atreides, following the pre-Bene Gesserit sisterhood and how it will come to be knows as the Bene Gesserit, I guess. It’s actually about two Harkonnen sisters who join the Sisterhood.

It wasn’t bad. But I wasn’t that into it as I hoped I’d be for someone who was always intrigued with the Bene Gesserit (I mean who isn’t intrigued by them?) and my expectations were probably too high because the overall reception seems good — the series was already renewed for a second season. I can’t tell you exactly what bothered me… It was uneven. Some things were too rushed, others took too long, and some scenes were just not necessary. It was quite predictable too. But it’s only 6 episodes.

I’m also still watching Supernatural and I need to say that The Supernatural Scooby Doo crossover episode was peak television moment! There’s also this Variety article talking about How ‘Supernatural’s’ ‘Scooby-Doo’ Crossover Came To Be.

~ and other things I did last week

Music: "C" Is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference Here) EP by Puscifer. I do what I do and this album turns up in my playlist every few months.

Other things consumed last week:

• There Is No Safe Word - How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades (Vulture). It took me an entire day to read this article as I had to take breaks from it. It’s horrible. Plus heartbreaking because I adored Neil Gaiman’s books and comics, and films and shows and so on. It’s a great article, lots of work went into it, but it’s not an easy read at all.

• in defense of the bildungsroman (faithcore - substack). I told you coming-of-age is my jam and this expresses exactly why.

• Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni, and the Collapse of the Hollywood #MeToo Era (The New Yorker). I still don’t know what to believe about this whole mess.

• David Lynch: the great American surrealist who made experimentalism mainstream (The Guardian). The only good thing about this huge loss was how connected I somehow felt with other people on my Instagram — we all had the same reaction and it’s incredible, until I got to work and my bubble was burst when some of my colleagues had no clue who David Lynch was. I feel sad for them. And since there’s never enough David Lynch, here’s another article: Deviant obsessions: how David Lynch predicted our fragmented times (The Guardian).

This was a weird week.

I’m slowly clearing out my currently reading shelf and I will try to keep it under control and not read 15 books at the same time — let’s keep it under 10, shall we? I do hope to rewatch some David Lynch films or maybe rewatch Twin Peaks (although I might wait for February 24 to do that). My problem is that I want to do too many things and I get overwhelmed so I end up doing nothing, just cuddling with my cat and watching Supernatural, which it’s not bad — I could think of worse ways to waste my time.

Thank you for reading!

PS: I also got David Lynch’s autobiography and I need to read it ASAP!