Coffee Letter #009: Grief and Joy

An influx of Mary Oliver, chaos, and finding joy in the little things.

I took a break because I was in limbo — thank you for your messages. I usually don’t let things affect me in this manner, but, like everyone else and their mothers, I was in shock and I couldn’t function properly anymore. I’ve been pretty privileged and I’m not used to being affected by things outside of my control. Hence the much needed break.

Other than reading the news constantly, all I did that week was go to The Nutcracker, which was one of the highlights of my week. The other highlight was the book club with Raluca Nagy, author of Teo de la 16 la 18 (I’ll tell you more about the book in a bit). She is such an intelligent human being, and also very empathic — discussing the book with her made me want to devour her other books. Raluca is an amazing writer and human being to have beers with; I am so happy she came to Bogdana’s book club.

There wasn’t much joy that week and this is, after all, a newsletter about the weekly things that bring me joy. There isn’t much joy lately in the country and I feel that whenever I check in with my friends. It’s more important than ever to be informed and active politically, but it’s not sustainable to do that 24/7.

Am I feeling better? Well, that’s debatable, especially since the whole election process will start over and I can’t avoid making up all sorts of scenarios in my head. This week I went to an event organised by the party Sens on the anxiety caused by the election and I’m trying to focus on what I learnt there: “manage your expectations” and “focus on what you can control”, which in this moment is to wait for the election schedule to be announced, to get informed, and when the time comes, to vote.

On a more personal level I want to learn to be more empathic, especially with the people who have different opinions than mine, and to get out of my bubble, but it’s important to take care of myself first.

That means a return to the mundane, the little things, romanticising life.

Infusing my life with joy, squishing it our of all the little things and moments I can — like the Secret Santa event we had with the book club at Roadsted. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in the past couple of weeks combined like I did that evening. Sharing stories about Christmas, be it good or bad memories, it filled my heart with joy and it felt like time stood still for a moment. Or at least the crazy world we live in stopped and we were safe and warm in the coffeehouse, with unlimited mulled wine (Andrada is a gracious host) and delicious baked goodies. The gifts were mostly books, naturally, and I received a book that’s been on my wishlist for a while now — On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong.

I’m able to enjoy reading again. But no, I don’t think any of us will feel better any time soon, but as Mary Oliver said:

There is a lesson in everything and I hope this whole shitshow will be a lesson for all of us. It certainly was for me. I need to be more aware of politics in my country, more informed in general, more open with people. Discussing about politics with my family once every other day on video call has turned into a habit I want to keep even after the election. Nothing is apolitical. At the same time, I need to find a balance. It can’t all be news over news over news, I need to find a sustainable way to keep up to date without letting it take over my life.

On the not so bright side, what happened in my country for the past weeks opened my eyes and broke my heart at the same time… I am not sure this country will ever be ready for the progressive future I dream of. At least not during my lifetime, and this is the thing that hurts me the most.

~ read

Even though it’s been two weeks since we’ve last seen each other, I managed to finish only two books (and a couple more for review) — almost no reading was done during the limbo week.

Teo de la 16 la 18 by Raluca Nagy. I’m not exactly sure how to talk about Teo mostly — it’s best to go into this book knowing as little as possible, except maybe you should know it’s experimental and it makes you really work for it, but it’s worth it in the end! As you follow Teo going from place to place, meeting one character stranger than the other, you will slowly uncover the novel’s major themes and deeper meanings. This book is like a puzzle and the way Raluca plays with language reminded me of the surrealist novels I read in the past couple of years, only Teo de la 16 la 18 is so much more than just an experimental novel.

Notes on Nationalism by George Orwell. Tis the season, am I right? This little book contains three essays in which Orwell discusses the rise of nationalism and how people tend to ignore facts and common sense… It’s bloody well written and unfortunately way too close to our current “unprecedented” times even though these essays were written in 1945. Would you look at that? We learnt nothing from history.

Oh, a special mention to The Christmasaurus by Tom Fletcher, illustrated by Shane Devries. This is a retelling of sorts of Tom Fletcher’s novel but as a picture book for the little ones — my nibling is obsessed with dinosaurs so I had to buy it for her. It’s a really cute book about Santa’s dinosaur (of course he has a dinosaur) who wants to fly with Santa’s reindeer!

~ watch

Here’s the thing about me: I love cheesy Christmas films. The silliest and cheesiest, the better! The only caveat is… they can be silly, but not feel silly, you know what I mean? I’m all for suspension of disbelief, but I need the film to flow. I don’t need an Oscar performance, but the actors should care and believe in their story.

Hot Frosty (2024), d. Jerry Ciccoritti. Guuuuys, I watched Hot Frosty, the film about the hot snowman coming to life, and I loved it! It has some of my favourite tropes: there’s cheese (yummy!), a small town community with fun characters from the sheriff to the pervy old ladies (I’m sure one of them sculpted the snowman in the first place), and Christmas magic, naturally. Plus I loved the acting — especially Dustin Milligan, who is able to play a hot naive ditz so naturally!

I also watched The Merry Gentlemen (2024) but I couldn’t vibe with it — the acting was stiff, the writing was shaky, I like men dancing enticingly just like any other person and their mother, but that’s not enough for me (there’s a reason I haven’t seen any of the Magic Mikes). Next on the list was Lindsay Lohan’s new Christmas film, Our Little Secret, and I wasn’t impressed — not even Kristin Chenoweth could save it for me; so far I watched all of Lohan’s Netflix Christmas films but I only enjoyed the first one:

Falling for Christmas (2022), d. Janeen Damian. A rewatch because I wanted to convince myself I actually like it and I wasn’t just excited for the Lindsay Lohan’s renaissance. In this one she plays a spoiled rich hotel heiress who suffers of amnesia after a ski accident. That’s how she meets and falls for a simple lodge owner — and learns how to use a washing machine (or not). It’s a bit over the top and campy at times, but there’s enough holiday cheer and Hallmark vibes to make me forget the bad editing.

Special mention to Paris Christmas Waltz (2023), d. Michael Damian, which I watched mostly for Paris, naturally, but also for Jen Lilley, who was in one of my favourite cheesy Christmas films ever — The Spirit of Christmas (2015), a film I first watched snippets of on Diva channel; I was in my hometown one winter, one of those very chill, very boring winter afternoons so I found this film midway through and I watched it while dozing off and dreaming parts of it. Many years after I found it again and I finally watched it start to finish. It’s about a lady trying to sell a house that’s haunted by a dapper gentleman/ghost.

Paris Christmas Waltz was okay too. It’s about a woman who dances as a hobby but takes a leap of faith and gives up her accountant job to become Mr. Glee’s dance partner for a contest in Paris (I would give up my job for Paris too). It didn’t sweep me off my feet, but it gave me the chance to tell you about The Spirit of Christmas.

I watch a lot more films in December than in any other month and I am not sure you want to hear about all the cheesy films I watch. Or do you?

All the films mentioned are on Netflix (except for The Spirit of Christmas which is not available anywhere else, maybe on Diva Channel).

~ and other things I did last week

Habit: Starting the day with a poem or two. Last year I bought Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver on Kindle, a huge collection that features the best of her works from five decades and I spent half of the year starting my day reading a couple of poems. Why not bring that habit back? For the past couple of weeks I just googled Mary Oliver’s poems and read them at random because they bring me comfort. I am thinking to turn this into a permanent habit and include even more poets — and I just bought The Wild Iris by Louise Glück.

Everything else I read was about politics.

Other things consumed last week:

• Post-Election Faces (The New Yorker). Unfortunately relevant for our election too.

• Ce are presa cu Călin Georgescu. Explicațiile unui jurnalist (Alex Nedea).

• 7 reasons why Romanian voters are hacked off — by the numbers (Politico). This article really helped me make sense of things and get out of my urban bubble and confront reality.

• Is There a Crisis of Seriousness? (The Honest Broker). A very interesting article on our digital lives and more.

• Koyo Kouoh Is Named 1st African Woman to Curate Venice Biennale (The New York Times). I keep saying that I want to go to every Venice Art Biennale but I couldn’t make this year (hospital, wedding, too many things on my plate maybe). But now that the curator for the 2026 edition was announced, I am excited to follow the preparations for the Biennale and, fingers crossed, I’ll be there in 2026.

Unprecedented times is the new normal, again. On the bright side, at least we can enjoy the festive season until we’ll have to think about the election again. Yesterday I put up our Christmas tree and the world already feels better, calmer.

Thank you for reading!

PS: This is exactly why I love Mary Oliver: